After I share my parents’ wishes, I stumble over my words with my spouse.
My parents want one thing, and my spouse thinks differently. After the interview, I hesitate over whose words to bring up first.
Scenes
- I hesitate over whose words to bring up first. — The day I left the interview, my parents wanted one thing and my spouse thought differently. I felt stuck, unsure whose words to bring up first.
- My parents speak first. — My parents said that if I liked the place where I interviewed, I should take the job. As Minji passes that on to her spouse, she ends up explaining her parents’ wishes for them, too.
- My spouse shares their thoughts. — My spouse says we should look more closely at the terms. Minji explains her parents’ words, then her spouse’s, but can’t bring herself to share her own thoughts.
- My words sound like my own opinion. — To untangle a conflict, listen separately to what each person said and what the messenger meant. When the two get mixed up, the other person may take the message as the messenger’s own judgment.
- Write down what you think first. — Tonight, write just this on paper: “What do I want from this?” It’s okay if you don’t have an answer yet. That’s your answer for now.
- Each of their words has its place. — When Minji shares what she thinks, her words join her parents’ hopes and her spouse’s view. Only then can she begin to see what they might work out together.
Stories by Cheongun
- Cheongun
- When I step out after washing and stand before the mirror, the comparisons in my family come back to me.
- After the meeting, the plans and the spur-of-the-moment ideas clash again.
- When we get home from work, the first thing we talk about at the door is caring for our parents.
- As we left the exam room, Mom asked first.
- We put off the decision again while doing the dishes
- I set aside money for my younger sibling from my first paycheck
- It’s hard to tell my parents I’m getting counseling.
- I gave them flowers, but they didn’t say thank you