The Bill Between Gratitude and Closeness

This is a story for anyone who feels that, on an evening when their date paid, they should give in to what the other person wants in return.

Scenes

They paid, so should I give in? — On the day they paid for dinner, I feel uneasy, as if I should go along with tonight's intimacy in return.
Gratitude and desire are different — Even if you care about someone, whether you want to get closer right now can remain a separate feeling. When you try to repay both at once, you lose track of your own pace.
I tried to let my feelings follow the payment — They paid for dinner, and when they came closer with affection, I tried to smile and go along. My hands moved, but my heart was a beat behind.
Paying doesn’t create consent — Intimacy isn’t repayment for a cost. When you look separately at gratitude, consent, and what you want today, you can begin to see where your boundary is.
Write down gratitude and distance separately — In your notes, write one line about what you’re grateful for and another about the distance you want today. It’s not strange if the two lines are different.
You can’t buy your next feeling with one feeling you’ve already paid — Even if the words don’t come out today, that doesn’t erase your gratitude. Next time, let’s look together at which of those two feelings you want to bring out first.