I made plans even on my birthday morning
On my birthday morning, I said “Sure” to my friend’s birthday plans before asking how I might feel that day.
Yujin, 39, has made plans first every birthday morning. In front of Onyu, she starts to name the point at which she could cancel, then stops.
On her birthday morning, Yujin quickly replies to her friend’s invitation to celebrate. Then memories of past birthdays come back, when she felt she had to keep plans even if she wasn’t feeling well. In their session, Onyu suggests looking separately at when the plans are made and how Yujin feels that day. Yujin asks when it’s okay to cancel, but stops as soon as she tries to say what that would look like.
When it’s hard to cancel birthday plans
You can appreciate the birthday wishes and check in with how you feel that day.
What happened on a day when you weren’t sure whether to cancel plans?
The moment you make plans before asking how you’ll feel on your birthday can stay with you. It seemed like a moment when checking in with your body got pushed aside as you tried to honor your gratitude. If you’ve been through something similar, you can tell us about it. We’ll take a gentle look together.
Scenes
- 01 · Birthday plans Birthday morning — On her birthday morning, Yujin quickly replies “Sounds good” to her friend’s message: “I’ll come celebrate tonight.” Friend: I’ll come celebrate tonight! Yujin: Sounds good. Thanks!
- 02 · A past birthday Last year, in the evening — On her birthday last year, her friend brought out a cake. Yujin felt weighed down, but couldn’t bring herself to suggest canceling, so she sat at the table. Friend: Happy birthday. Let’s blow out the candles. Yujin: Yeah, thanks.
- 03 · Sorting out the boundaries A sheet with two columns — Yujin says she wants to know when she can cancel her birthday plans. Onyu divides the page into two columns: “When making plans” and “That morning.” Onyu: It might help to look separately at when you make plans and how you feel that morning. Which comes to mind first today? Yujin: That morning. If I don’t feel well, is it okay to cancel…?
- 04 · Words that stopped An unfinished question — Yujin looks at “That morning” on the page and begins: “The point when it’s okay to cancel is…” Her voice trails off. Yujin: Where might you start when thinking about that boundary? Onyu: Yujin, what’s the first thing you’d want to check that morning?
Stories by Onyu
- Onyu
- Just before clocking out, the clock reminds me of a request
- Gray hair reflected in the window on a rainy day
- Right before clocking out, I pause before canceling our plans
- Right before quitting time, just thinking about learning makes me check the clock.
- Right before clocking out, I can’t think of what to say to a friend.
- I keep checking the clock just before quitting time.
- When I pause at the door, my dinner gets pushed back again.
- The path where she stopped to retie her shoe