“I’m okay” came out first
On the subway to work, I got a short text from my partner. Even after I replied that I was okay, those words followed me all day.
On her way to work, Jisu accepts the distance between her and her partner and says she’s okay. She repeats the same words elsewhere, until she finally lets out the one thing she had kept hidden.
On the morning subway, Jisu gets a text from her partner saying he wants to be alone and immediately replies that she’s okay. She says it first again in front of the counselor, then pretends everything is fine at dinner. That night, when her partner asks whether she really meant she was okay, Jisu says for the first time that she isn’t.
When You Say You’re Okay First
The stronger your urge to hold on to someone, the more you can pause to notice the signals your heart is sending before saying you’re okay.
Even a heart that has kept pretending to be okay alone can, through conversation, find words that care for both you and the other person.
The moment “I’m not okay” finally came out has stayed with me. A whole day lay between the “I’m okay” she sent and the “I’m not okay” that came out. I wonder what the first words were trying to hold on to in that space. Which side felt bigger today?
Scenes
- 01 · One line of text One line of text — The text from her partner on the morning subway was short. He said he didn’t want to talk today and wanted to be alone. Jisu: I’m okay. Take the day to yourself.
- 02 · The space behind the words The space behind the words — That morning, Jisu left her phone facedown but kept rubbing its edge with her finger. Jisu: I said I was okay. Yeonhwa: What was the first thing that felt different before and after you sent it?
- 03 · Okay again Okay again — At the noodle shop that evening, when Dohyeon asks where they should go that weekend, Jisu says the same thing without even looking at the menu. Jisu: I’m okay. You decide. Dohyeon: Do I have to decide again?
- 04 · The night the words spilled out The night the words spilled out — On the platform, waiting for the last train, Dohyeon asked why she was saying this now when she had always said she was okay. Jisu: I’m not okay. Dohyeon: You always said you were okay, so why are you saying this now?
Stories by Yeonhwa
- Yeonhwa
- My heart starts racing in the car.
- Whenever their family comes up, I reread the compatibility reading.
- Every lunch, I think about what would need to change before we try again.
- When I hear a compliment, I turn the calendar first
- Rereading his text in the elevator
- On my first day at work, I ask the cards whether to finally make a decision I’ve been putting off.
- When I'm with them, the whole morning goes by and I can't get my work done.
- I start to say I’m hurt, then just turn the calendar page.