I answered, but I still haven’t said what I want to do

This story is for anyone who, when asked at a company dinner what they’ll do next, starts with the answer they don’t want.

Scenes

I smile and answer when asked what I’ll do next — When your team leader asked about your career plans, you smiled as if you’d already thought it through and said, “For now, I’m staying here.”
Only after I get home does that answer start to feel unfamiliar — After coming home and setting down my glass, I find myself wondering again whether those words were really what I thought.
The answer came out before the question was finished — After a few rounds of drinks, your team leader asked, “Are you going to stay here?” and you answered before you even had time to pause.
The answer I gave to protect my place and my true direction are different — When I think about my career, I separate the answer I gave to preserve my relationships in front of others from what remains important when I’m alone.
Let’s place the two answers side by side — Write one line about the answer you gave today and one about the work you would choose if no one had asked. Notice which one feels heavier.
The answer you gave that day doesn’t decide your whole path — The words that came out first at dinner were simply the answer you made in that moment. You can look again at what remained afterward.