The child falls silent as the report card opens.
Your child hands you a report card for the first time in a while. When you ask about the grades first, their answers get shorter.
Scenes
- A child hands over a report card — Your child hands you a report card for the first time in a while. When you ask about the grades, they fold the edge of the paper and stop talking.
- After checking the grades first — The parent asked about the grades first out of concern. They haven’t yet heard what the child has been through.
- The hurt comes later — When you ask about grades first, the child may answer as if trying to get it right. Then it can be hard for them to talk about what upset them.
- First, listen to how their day went — In conversations between parents and children, the order of questions matters. Ask first about what upset them, and you can hear about the experiences behind the grades, too.
- Try changing just one question — Tonight, instead of “How were your grades?” ask, “What upset you most when you got your report card?” Even if they don’t answer right away, the question stays with them.
- The next words are up to the child — The grades may stay the same, but you can start by listening to what the child brings up. Together, you can see what words might follow that story.
Stories by Cheongun
- Cheongun
- At lunch, I want to choose my child’s career path for them.
- When I step out after washing and stand before the mirror, the comparisons in my family come back to me.
- After the meeting, the plans and the spur-of-the-moment ideas clash again.
- When we get home from work, the first thing we talk about at the door is caring for our parents.
- As we left the exam room, Mom asked first.
- We put off the decision again while doing the dishes
- I set aside money for my younger sibling from my first paycheck
- It’s hard to tell my parents I’m getting counseling.