Every morning, I can’t choose who I am in front of my closet.
This is for you, standing over two outfits for work, wondering which one will make you look less pathetic today.
Scenes
- Which one makes me look less pathetic? — Two shirts are laid out in front of the closet, but your hand stops. What if today’s outfit speaks for who you are today?
- I was choosing myself, not clothes. — You want to wear something comfortable, but then look back at the hangers, afraid it might seem careless. Beneath the hesitation was not so much a wish to look good as a fear of being looked down on.
- A morning of changing again and again — You tried on the two shirts by turns, checking your shoulders and sleeves in the mirror. In the end, afraid you’d be late, you picked up the first shirt you’d taken out.
- Sometimes a choice can feel like a judgment. — When self-esteem wavers, even one choice grows into a test of your worth. So instead of choosing something comfortable, you spend your energy searching for what will draw the fewest faults.
- Don’t let your clothes explain who you are. — Hang just one outfit for tomorrow, and write the reason as “because it’s comfortable.” Even if you waver again in the morning, you may not feel at ease right away.
- It wasn’t that I was pathetic. Judgment was simply too close. — The next day, you may find yourself staring at the closet for a long time again. When that happens, start by noticing where your body stopped. What were your shoulders like?
Stories by Dalbit
- Dalbit
- When I close the door after work, I can’t think of anyone to reach out to.
- When a notification comes in, my shoulders tense up first.
- On payday, I want to ask how you are first
- When I think of my child’s report card, I end up grading myself too.
- After hearing about my friend, my own day feels small.
- Even in the salon mirror, the silence between me and my husband follows me.
- Folding laundry, I start worrying about my child again
- In the family chat, it’s always Mom who speaks