When I’m turned down, I look for what I did wrong in the car
After someone turned down my request, I stayed in the parked car, replaying what I’d just said over and over.
Scenes
- After being turned down, I can’t get out of the car — After someone turned down my request, I stayed in the parked car, replaying what I’d just said over and over. I wondered if I’d said something wrong.
- One request feels like a judgment of me — They turned down my request, but my mind jumps straight to, “Maybe they don’t think much of me.” There’s no room for any other thought in between.
- The more I replay my words, the more I blame myself — When I turn my phone screen back on and off in the car, my own words linger longer than their refusal. The end of the conversation keeps turning into a judgment of me.
- A rejection is an answer to a request — When your self-esteem wavers, it’s easy to tie someone’s answer to your worth in a single sentence. But a rejection only tells you their answer to that request.
- Gently look at the thought that it’s my fault — Write down one thought that comes up tonight. See whether it’s about the request they turned down or about you as a person.
- It’s okay if the answer doesn’t come right away — What you wrote may still feel like it’s your fault. If you keep turning on yourself after a rejection, you can look at those thoughts together.
Stories by Dalbit
- Dalbit
- When dinner with my coworkers ends, I think of the path my parents chose for me.
- When I close the door after work, I can’t think of anyone to reach out to.
- When a notification comes in, my shoulders tense up first.
- On payday, I want to ask how you are first
- When I think of my child’s report card, I end up grading myself too.
- After hearing about my friend, my own day feels small.
- Even in the salon mirror, the silence between me and my husband follows me.
- Folding laundry, I start worrying about my child again