After the funeral, I started reaching for cigarettes again.
Since the funeral, my resolve to quit keeps fading. Old habits can return in the order your body learned them, before your resolve has a chance to catch up.
Scenes
- Even at home, I reach for a cigarette first. — The night I got back from the funeral, I took off my coat and thought of cigarettes. It felt like the habit I'd tried to quit had settled back into my body.
- A Day of Holding On Among People — I exchanged greetings at the funeral, sat for a long time, then came home. As usual, a cigarette was the first thing on my mind.
- Familiar actions come before resolve. — Habits link moments and actions that often go together. When you're tired or have been through a difficult day, that sequence can return more easily.
- Today, just note the moments that connect. — When you feel like reaching for a cigarette, write down the time and what you did just before, in one line. You don't have to decide what to do next.
- Some days, you start again. — One day of returning to an old habit doesn't decide all the days that follow. I look with you at the first thing you do after a pause.
Stories by Saebyeok
- Saebyeok
- I reviewed it, but by Monday it feels unfamiliar again.
- Monday morning, and I feel like I’ll have to explain my time off again.
- After celebrating with someone, I start to doubt whether I want to try again.
- On my birthday, I made my goals too big.
- Even when I go to the study room, I can't open my book.
- Before bed, I write down only how much I studied today.
- While I wait for the results, I’m already worried about who I’ll be compared with.
- After washing up, I stand before the mirror and see the choice I left behind again.