In front of my parents, I swallow my tears even when they rise to my throat.
Sitting by the bus window, I think back on what I said to my parents, and the tears I held back rise again.
Scenes
- I swallow my tears in front of my parents — When tears well up while I’m talking with my parents, I steady my expression and keep talking. Once I’m sitting by the bus window, the tears I held back rise again.
- I spoke as if nothing was wrong at home, but… — I kept answering so I wouldn’t cry in front of my parents. Only after sitting alone on the bus did my words stop and the tears come.
- There are signs that come before the tears — Feelings don’t grow all at once. If you notice small changes first, like your jaw tensing or your breath getting short, you can catch the moment just before you swallow your tears.
- Notice your body until you get off — On the bus today, check just once whether your breath gets short or your jaw tenses. Noticing a sign may not stop the tears right away, but it can make the moment you’re holding them back clearer.
- It’s okay if the tears rise again — You may still cry even after noticing the signs. In that moment, rather than trying to make the feelings disappear, I look at the signs my body sent first, one by one.
Stories by Dalbit
- Dalbit
- When a notification comes in, my shoulders tense up first.
- On payday, I want to ask how you are first
- When I think of my child’s report card, I end up grading myself too.
- After hearing about my friend, my own day feels small.
- Even in the salon mirror, the silence between me and my husband follows me.
- Folding laundry, I start worrying about my child again
- In the family chat, it’s always Mom who speaks
- When the elevator doors close, I want a moment alone.