On payday, I delete a sexual health book from my cart

Scenes

• I delete another book I want to buy — On payday evening, I add a sexual health book to my cart, then delete it just before checking out.
• Other people’s eyes come to mind before the information — I know what I want to learn, but I picture myself buying it first, and my hand stops.
• Only a few words remain in the search bar — Even while looking up the book title, I erase the search terms and check the payday notification again.
• Curiosity and shame are different things — Sexual health information feels less overwhelming when you choose the question you need right now instead of trying to read everything at once.
• Leave just one question — Today, don’t search. Just write one line, in your own words, about what you want to know. It’s okay if the uncertainty stays.
• The question I deleted is still my question — If your hand stops again next payday, start by looking at what you deleted. I’ll ask what words caught at that threshold.