On the calendar’s last page, I try to fill in every blank for next year
Whenever I turn to December, the empty spaces stay on my mind. Haewol looks at the moment when I try to decide the whole year ahead all at once.
Scenes
- I feel like I have to choose even the days that are still empty — Whenever I turn to December, the empty spaces stay on my mind. I feel like I have to choose even the days I haven’t decided on yet.
- Leaving a space blank feels like I’m missing something — Sometimes leaving one space blank feels less like resting and more like missing something. So I start filling in all of next year ahead of time.
- I count from January through December all at once — Around ten at night, while writing down a January appointment, I start calculating what might be left by December. The pencil stops, but the calendar stays open to the very end.
- I start wanting to know next year’s answers first — When I open the I Ching, I look not for next year’s answers but for what has been decided now and what is still only imagined. Having many blank spaces is different from interpreting it as a bad year.
- Today, try writing down just one fact about January — Circle just one thing already decided on the calendar, and leave the other spaces blank. Notice what you try to fill in first.
- Even if some spaces stay blank, it doesn’t mean a year is missing — Rather than getting rid of the blank spaces, I separate what needs checking now from what can be decided later. Which one feels more pressing right now?
Stories by Haewol
- Haewol
- Even after the funeral, I’m still unsure whether to leave the group or stay.
- Sitting in the parked car, I try not to call Mom first.
- In the hospital waiting room, she imagines welcoming new customers.
- Even while shopping, I can't bring myself to say it.
- By the rainy window, I’m unsure whether we should manage our money together.
- Even while folding laundry, I weigh whether to go into business with someone or go it alone.
- When I’m alone in my room, I wonder if it’s okay to rest today.
- I spent the whole afternoon staring at the guarantee form.